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00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,029
PATRICIA CAHILL: The
nun, Sister Eileen,

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00:00:02,029 --> 00:00:05,820
was the sexual pedophile who
started abusing me when I was

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00:00:05,820 --> 00:00:11,620
15, was clearly 36, and had
taken the vows of poverty,

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00:00:11,620 --> 00:00:13,800
chastity, and obedience.

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00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:16,950
She stole from my body,
my mind, and my soul.

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00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:20,566
The woman was a thief who
did not keep her vows.

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00:00:20,566 --> 00:00:21,420
- That's you?

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00:00:21,420 --> 00:00:26,190
PATRICIA CAHILL: No, that's her,
[INAUDIBLE] in my apartment.

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00:00:26,190 --> 00:00:29,160
- Why is your principal
and nun in your apartment?

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00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:30,990
PATRICIA CAHILL: On my
bed, that was my bed.

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00:00:33,570 --> 00:00:36,720
This is a medal that has
the date of her vows.

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She would take it off of herself
at night and put it on me.

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And then we would have sex--

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00:00:42,090 --> 00:00:44,550
not a relationship, sex.

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And then in the morning,
it would go back on her.

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It was the seal of confessional,
or the seal of silen--

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it worked.

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I was silent for how many years?

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We went every Sunday to church.

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I went to Catholic school.

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You know, nuns were my
teachers from kindergarten on.

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So now I was accepted
into Paramus Catholic,

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one of the girls' high schools.

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Sister Eileen, she
would pick me up

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from the middle of the school
day, take me to a motel.

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We'd stay in the
hotel for hours,

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and then she'd bring
me back to school.

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So I was there for dismissal.

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I mean, really,
honestly, and her hand

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around my waist the way it is?

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Let's be serious.

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This is not a hello,
we're friends picture.

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Why didn't they stop her?

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Nobody questions a nun.

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I mean, a nun--

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nobody challenged her.

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She owned me.

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MICHAEL PFAU: Abuse
occurs in the dark.

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Abuse occurs when
there is secrecy.

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The Catholic Church for years
has been shrouded with secrecy.

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Abuse fosters in
that sort of setting.

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What's fascinating about it
is what happens in Camden,

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New Jersey is what
happens in Santa

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Fe, New Mexico, what happens
in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

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It's similar, if not
close to identical,

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in every state in this country,
and across the world, really.

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PATRICIA CAHILL: You asked
me if I knew anyone else,

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and I said, yes, we all do.

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Well, why are they
not coming out?

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Oh, because the boys
thought they were

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the only ones for 100 years.

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The girls think
they're the only ones.

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They don't have any
other survivors to see.

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ANNE GLEESON: I was born
in St. Louis, Missouri.

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My dad was a good Christian
man, very into his church,

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very involved with
his church always,

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put all five kids through
Catholic grade school.

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We all went to
Catholic high schools.

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Seventh grade I met this
nun, sister Judith Fisher.

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And I remember I was in
one of the front seats,

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I think second row
over, front seat.

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And she looked right down
at me and smiled at me,

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and I thought, oh, you
know, because I felt

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a little neglected at home.

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And I was teacher's pet
a lot, which I hated.

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But still, it felt
good to be special.

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So she made some joke to me.

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I forget what it was, but like,
we're going to be friends,

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or we're gonna--

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you know, we're gonna do well.

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And she was this redhead.

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She was funny.

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It was a different
kind of energy.

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So we were told this
would be our homeroom

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teacher the next year.

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And sure enough, it was
Sister Judith Fisher.

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That's when my world changed.

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00:04:03,550 --> 00:04:12,200


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I was 13 years old.

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She was 37, 24 years my senior.

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You hurt a child that deep,
it's a spiritual rape,

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and you are like
branded for life.

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So from now on, it
colors everything.

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This is a necklace
that she gave me.

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It's got my name in cursive.

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And on the other
side, it says 9 1971.

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That's when we met.

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I guess it literally, the sexual
part started when I was 13

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and ended when I was 19.

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When she had me spend
the night at the convent

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down in that basement,
without somebody else,

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we got in our pajamas.

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I remember she pulled the
shade that was on the door.

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And the next time
I spent the night,

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00:05:01,700 --> 00:05:06,330
she asked if I'd like to
come over and sleep with her.

100
00:05:06,330 --> 00:05:08,000
And I think the next time
I spent the night there,

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it was up in her bedroom.

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And that's when she asked
if she could touch me.

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And it just became sexual
all the time after that.

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PATRICIA CAHILL:
All she had to do

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00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:22,310
to me was to be
nice, because there

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was nobody that was nice to me.

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She cared, like she
wanted to be with me.

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I was 15.

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I mean, everything
was in my favor.

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Here, I'm hanging out
with this really cool

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36-year-old, full habit nun.

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Everything was so manipulative.

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Oh, that's my brother Peter,
and that's my sister Kate.

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Oh, and that's down
at the shore house,

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Sister Elieen's shore house.

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And I thought it was the kindest
thing she could possibly have

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done, to include my siblings.

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I think that's grooming.

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It was a pacifier for me.

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It worked very well.

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00:06:01,090 --> 00:06:04,000


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She became my mother.

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I mean, there's no
doubt in my mind.

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Now, looking back,
she became my mother,

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and mothers don't sleep
with their children.

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ANNE GLEESON: Sister Judith
had been getting real close

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with my mom, who was
a substitute teacher,

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and would come and help out
in the principal's office.

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The principal was Sister Ruth.

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So my mom, she got
close to Sister Ruth,

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and we became like a foursome.

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They'd come with
my mom and watch

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swim practice from the car.

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And then we'd go for ice cream,
or we'd go to the Ground Round,

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or we'd go to Flaming Pit,
or the Leather Bottle, or--

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00:06:36,490 --> 00:06:38,530
we were always just like
waiting by the phone

138
00:06:38,530 --> 00:06:40,030
when the nuns call.

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00:06:40,030 --> 00:06:42,590
And for the next
couple of years,

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my mom, Sister Ruth,
Sister Judith, and I

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did everything together.

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My mom didn't know
anything that was going on.

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If we were sleeping in a
room with two double beds,

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I'd sleep with my mom.

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Judy would sleep with Ruth.

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But Judy and I would arrange
to sleep where the aisle was,

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and we'd hold hands
across the cavity

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while they were sleeping.

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00:07:04,220 --> 00:07:08,140
She always, always
described it as God's love.

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00:07:08,140 --> 00:07:09,080
This is God's love.

151
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:12,320
Nobody else is going
to understand it.

152
00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:15,080
My mom and dad found
out when they found

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00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:17,570
a Winnie the Pooh
calendar, and I

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put it underneath my mattress.

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It had things like,
Judy kissed me.

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We made love.

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We had a fight.

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Went to the convent again.

159
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And so that was their
awakening to it.

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00:07:32,060 --> 00:07:35,450
And knowing how attached
and flattered my mom was--

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and she'd given up
all her friends.

162
00:07:36,710 --> 00:07:38,480
I'd given up all my friends.

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Our life was these two nuns,
to the point where my dad,

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I think, was even jealous.

165
00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:44,480
Then when they
found the calendar,

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00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:48,930
went to the Monsignor, all of a
sudden, everything had to stop.

167
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Nobody could know.

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00:07:50,900 --> 00:07:53,430
He asked my dad not to
bring scandal to his parish,

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and my dad did everything
for that parish.

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So he kept quiet.

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And he believed that they
would fix it and reprimand her,

172
00:08:02,590 --> 00:08:06,830
and that there was no
need to go to the police.

173
00:08:06,830 --> 00:08:10,130
The push was for me to stop
being involved with the nun.

174
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And my push was to
fight against that.

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00:08:12,890 --> 00:08:15,830
I started lying, just so
that I could have alibis

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00:08:15,830 --> 00:08:17,630
so that I could go meet her.

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00:08:17,630 --> 00:08:20,970
There's just lots of
little cards and things.

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00:08:20,970 --> 00:08:23,570
Here's one, starts
with dear brat.

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She called me twerp.

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She called me Poo bear, just
all these little pet names.

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00:08:27,710 --> 00:08:29,600
Dear Brat, for the
book, thank you.

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00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:30,890
For being you, thank you.

183
00:08:30,890 --> 00:08:32,659
Love, SJ.

184
00:08:32,659 --> 00:08:35,789
Well, hearing love from a nun--

185
00:08:35,789 --> 00:08:37,270
and it didn't say Sister Judith.

186
00:08:37,270 --> 00:08:38,240
It was SJ.

187
00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:40,250
Wow.

188
00:08:40,250 --> 00:08:43,610
Nuns kind of get a free ride.

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00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:47,360
You think of women
as being nurturing,

190
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,300
and you trust them more.

191
00:08:49,300 --> 00:08:51,530
And when it's done
gently and sweetly,

192
00:08:51,530 --> 00:08:55,280
and they paint it to be to
your benefit, you believe it.

193
00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:57,560
It's a true form
of brainwashing.

194
00:08:57,560 --> 00:09:00,410
I have to believe
that, because how else

195
00:09:00,410 --> 00:09:02,900
could I have been so blinded?

196
00:09:02,900 --> 00:09:05,990
It ruined my high school years.

197
00:09:05,990 --> 00:09:08,090
I was no longer
involved in things.

198
00:09:08,090 --> 00:09:11,930
And I thought my parents were
against me, and my family.

199
00:09:11,930 --> 00:09:16,210
You know, it went
on till I was 19.

200
00:09:16,210 --> 00:09:22,060
I tried a couple times to kill
myself, once in high school,

201
00:09:22,060 --> 00:09:24,180
once in college.

202
00:09:24,180 --> 00:09:29,810
I was in my early 40s, and
I was seeing a therapist.

203
00:09:29,810 --> 00:09:33,460
And she tried to tell me it was
abuse, and I would defend Judy,

204
00:09:33,460 --> 00:09:36,070
and say no, no,
no, she loved me.

205
00:09:36,070 --> 00:09:40,340
And before I left the
office, she said Anne, a rose

206
00:09:40,340 --> 00:09:42,370
is a rose is a rose.

207
00:09:42,370 --> 00:09:46,160
A pedophile is a
pedophile is a pedophile.

208
00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:52,180
And I left her office that
day thinking, oh my god,

209
00:09:52,180 --> 00:09:57,500
could it be that it
really was abuse?

210
00:09:57,500 --> 00:10:00,990
And that was the first time--

211
00:10:00,990 --> 00:10:05,276
and jeez, I was 40
something, 41, 42.

212
00:10:05,276 --> 00:10:06,170
It sucks.

213
00:10:06,170 --> 00:10:09,680


214
00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:12,200
PATRICIA CAHILL: My uncle
got me, I was about five.

215
00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:14,135
- What do you mean he got you?

216
00:10:14,135 --> 00:10:15,830
PATRICIA CAHILL: Um, the
first time he touched me,

217
00:10:15,830 --> 00:10:18,170
I was a little kid.

218
00:10:18,170 --> 00:10:20,550
So I really was a little kid.

219
00:10:20,550 --> 00:10:23,030
And while I was
sitting on his lap,

220
00:10:23,030 --> 00:10:27,290
his fingers were rolling
around underneath my skirt--

221
00:10:27,290 --> 00:10:28,300
my dress.

222
00:10:28,300 --> 00:10:29,840
It was a dress.

223
00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:31,610
I did not want to be
anyplace near him.

224
00:10:31,610 --> 00:10:33,230
I was afraid of him.

225
00:10:33,230 --> 00:10:35,680
- So how long did this abuse--

226
00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:38,210
PATRICIA CAHILL: Um, from 5
years old to 13 years old.

227
00:10:38,210 --> 00:11:01,320


228
00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:03,780
I joined a 12-step
recovery group.

229
00:11:03,780 --> 00:11:06,070
I thought I was there to
get better from alcoholism.

230
00:11:06,070 --> 00:11:08,070
And I was an alcoholic
because my uncle

231
00:11:08,070 --> 00:11:10,140
had raped me in a confessional.

232
00:11:10,140 --> 00:11:15,180
I didn't think I was an
alcoholic because of her.

233
00:11:15,180 --> 00:11:17,040
And yet, she was the
first person that gave me

234
00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:20,790
alcohol and drugs, continually.

235
00:11:20,790 --> 00:11:23,290
Oh yeah, I protected Eileen.

236
00:11:23,290 --> 00:11:24,630
I didn't talk
about her in group.

237
00:11:24,630 --> 00:11:26,670
I didn't talk about
her in one-on-one.

238
00:11:26,670 --> 00:11:28,740
I didn't talk about it.

239
00:11:28,740 --> 00:11:32,010
My sponsors, they were
the first ones that said,

240
00:11:32,010 --> 00:11:34,500
this is not a relationship.

241
00:11:34,500 --> 00:11:35,905
And I thought they were crazy.

242
00:11:35,905 --> 00:11:39,340


243
00:11:39,340 --> 00:11:42,040
She told me she loved me.

244
00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:44,350
She bought me presents.

245
00:11:44,350 --> 00:11:48,790
She took me all over,
alone, camping, sleeping

246
00:11:48,790 --> 00:11:50,800
in the same sleeping bag.

247
00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:54,390
They said, that's
not a relationship.

248
00:11:54,390 --> 00:11:55,270
That's sex.

249
00:11:55,270 --> 00:11:58,980
I'm like, it's a relationship.

250
00:11:58,980 --> 00:12:05,930
No, no, it wasn't
a relationship.

251
00:12:05,930 --> 00:12:08,370
JAMES MARSH: That's
psychological manipulation,

252
00:12:08,370 --> 00:12:10,445
which is an additional
burden to sort

253
00:12:10,445 --> 00:12:13,340
of sort out, because
the psychological gets

254
00:12:13,340 --> 00:12:15,470
mixed in with the sex abuse.

255
00:12:15,470 --> 00:12:16,940
And is this love?

256
00:12:16,940 --> 00:12:18,410
Is this manipulation?

257
00:12:18,410 --> 00:12:20,600
Is this what-- what
happened to me?

258
00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:22,520
And oftentimes, what
we're seeing is only

259
00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:25,480
through that adult,
mature perspective

260
00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:27,950
do you then realize,
hey, these people

261
00:12:27,950 --> 00:12:29,253
were taking advantage of me.

262
00:12:29,253 --> 00:12:31,220
MICHAEL PFAU: Well, they've
done case studies on that, too.

263
00:12:31,220 --> 00:12:32,020
JAMES MARSH: Absolutely.

264
00:12:32,020 --> 00:12:34,550
MICHAEL PFAU: The professionals
have looked at this,

265
00:12:34,550 --> 00:12:41,370
and the average age for someone
who comes forward is early 50s.

266
00:12:41,370 --> 00:12:42,410
So it's not even--

267
00:12:42,410 --> 00:12:43,700
I won't even call
it a phenomenon.

268
00:12:43,700 --> 00:12:46,640
It's what happens
with abuse victims.

269
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:48,950
JAMES MARSH: By the time
Trish got her life together

270
00:12:48,950 --> 00:12:51,830
in the 90s to realize
that what had happened

271
00:12:51,830 --> 00:12:54,350
to her over the
past almost 20 years

272
00:12:54,350 --> 00:12:56,900
was abuse and
exploitation, she was

273
00:12:56,900 --> 00:12:59,120
way outside the
statute of limitations

274
00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:00,440
in the state of New Jersey.

275
00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:01,730
There was no lawsuit.

276
00:13:01,730 --> 00:13:03,770
There was no option for Trish.

277
00:13:03,770 --> 00:13:06,050
The laws in the United
States historically

278
00:13:06,050 --> 00:13:11,030
have been very limited in terms
of allowing claims past age

279
00:13:11,030 --> 00:13:12,530
18, which is adulthood.

280
00:13:12,530 --> 00:13:14,990
Well, most victims not
realizing till they're

281
00:13:14,990 --> 00:13:18,990
50 the implications of the
abuse in their life, by then,

282
00:13:18,990 --> 00:13:21,380
there is no remedy
available to them.

283
00:13:21,380 --> 00:13:24,770
And we're talking statutes
of limitation of three

284
00:13:24,770 --> 00:13:27,080
years, five years, eight years.

285
00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:29,150
That only takes you to 26.

286
00:13:29,150 --> 00:13:35,090
If the average age is 51, 53,
55, even by the most liberal

287
00:13:35,090 --> 00:13:39,200
statutes of limitation, you're
way beyond any opportunity

288
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:41,560
to seek any meaningful relief.

289
00:13:41,560 --> 00:13:48,950
ANNE GLEESON: So if mine started
at 13, by the time I am 20, 25,

290
00:13:48,950 --> 00:13:51,190
I can't do anything about it.

291
00:13:51,190 --> 00:13:54,290
And they can be in another
state and get out of that state

292
00:13:54,290 --> 00:13:55,700
before that expires.

293
00:13:55,700 --> 00:13:58,700
Worst comes to worst,
if they get proven, ah,

294
00:13:58,700 --> 00:13:59,840
they're defrocked.

295
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:00,880
Poor babies.

296
00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:01,900
Then what?

297
00:14:01,900 --> 00:14:05,180
They're set up in retirement
systems that are wonderful.

298
00:14:05,180 --> 00:14:06,000
They play pool.

299
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,500
They're usually right
next to a schoolyard.

300
00:14:08,500 --> 00:14:13,040
And it's been going
on for over 300 years.

301
00:14:13,040 --> 00:14:14,360
And the Vatican has it all.

302
00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:16,250
And it's documented.

303
00:14:16,250 --> 00:14:18,050
And they're more powerful
than our government.

304
00:14:18,050 --> 00:14:19,330
They don't have to
open their files.

305
00:14:19,330 --> 00:14:30,380


306
00:14:30,380 --> 00:14:34,510
I was one of the few victims
that had lots of evidence,

307
00:14:34,510 --> 00:14:37,090
years and years
of letters, notes,

308
00:14:37,090 --> 00:14:42,340
tapes, videos, jewelry,
trips, receipts, books,

309
00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:43,520
all sorts of things.

310
00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:44,560
So I had proof.

311
00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:46,420
And what she did,
she denied it all.

312
00:14:46,420 --> 00:14:51,610
And before she was
deposed, she up and died.

313
00:14:51,610 --> 00:14:54,730
I wished that I could
get some answers,

314
00:14:54,730 --> 00:14:58,180
that we could talk about it,
that she could come clean.

315
00:14:58,180 --> 00:15:00,340
It wasn't the money I was after.

316
00:15:00,340 --> 00:15:02,215
It was just some closure.

317
00:15:02,215 --> 00:15:26,680


318
00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:27,910
I think I feel
strong enough to tell

319
00:15:27,910 --> 00:15:31,060
my story right now because
there's not a lot to lose.

320
00:15:31,060 --> 00:15:32,800
I am who I am.

321
00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:38,500
People who love me love
me for all my flaws.

322
00:15:38,500 --> 00:15:42,010
I can't imagine something
happened to me in life that

323
00:15:42,010 --> 00:15:44,690
would hurt me like this has.

324
00:15:44,690 --> 00:15:47,640


325
00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:50,610
So I think I've
reached that pinnacle.

326
00:15:50,610 --> 00:15:52,110
If I should die
tomorrow, I'd be sad

327
00:15:52,110 --> 00:15:54,540
if I had not spoken
when I could have,

328
00:15:54,540 --> 00:15:58,700
if there's some kid or
parent that would hear me,

329
00:15:58,700 --> 00:16:01,120
because it's real.

330
00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:04,560
And it's the kind of wound that
stays no matter how strong you

331
00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:06,810
are, no matter how
much therapy you get,

332
00:16:06,810 --> 00:16:09,330
no matter how many
loves you have,

333
00:16:09,330 --> 00:16:11,766
or diversions, or excuses.

334
00:16:11,766 --> 00:16:16,010
It's a-- it's a spiritual rape.

335
00:16:16,010 --> 00:16:18,220
It really is.

336
00:16:18,220 --> 00:16:19,020
It really is.

337
00:16:19,020 --> 00:16:20,170
It doesn't go away.

338
00:16:20,170 --> 00:16:21,580
It steals your faith.

339
00:16:21,580 --> 00:16:23,670
I envy people who have faith.

340
00:16:23,670 --> 00:16:53,707


341
00:16:53,707 --> 00:16:54,940
MICHAEL PFAU: That's
what's important

342
00:16:54,940 --> 00:16:56,740
about statutory reform.

343
00:16:56,740 --> 00:16:59,260
When the statute's bad,
the Catholic Church

344
00:16:59,260 --> 00:17:01,000
gets to dictate the terms--

345
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:03,280
you know, two
touches is worth x,

346
00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:05,109
and you have to
settle ultimately,

347
00:17:05,109 --> 00:17:08,290
because your case may
be thrown out of court.

348
00:17:08,290 --> 00:17:11,500
When the abuse survivor holds
the power, they can say,

349
00:17:11,500 --> 00:17:13,390
I have a story.

350
00:17:13,390 --> 00:17:14,829
I've been damaged.

351
00:17:14,829 --> 00:17:17,680
And I get to tell
it to 12 of my peers

352
00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:19,990
who can decide what the
Catholic Church did,

353
00:17:19,990 --> 00:17:21,099
and how I've been damaged.

354
00:17:21,099 --> 00:17:34,470


355
00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:38,277
- Are you OK if I read
the response to you?

356
00:17:38,277 --> 00:17:39,610
PATRICIA CAHILL: Yes,
I'm here for that.

357
00:17:39,610 --> 00:17:42,660


358
00:17:42,660 --> 00:17:46,680
- In 1994, the leadership of
the Sisters of Charity of St.

359
00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:48,930
Elizabeth removed
her from ministry

360
00:17:48,930 --> 00:17:51,600
and referred the situation to
the congregation's response

361
00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:53,700
team for investigation.

362
00:17:53,700 --> 00:17:57,090
The response team engaged
in a detailed investigation

363
00:17:57,090 --> 00:18:00,120
and substantiated the
Sister's improper conduct.

364
00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:03,180
Following the settlement
and for the past 25 years,

365
00:18:03,180 --> 00:18:05,970
sister Eileen Shaw has
been subject to a program

366
00:18:05,970 --> 00:18:09,960
of restrictions and therapy,
including removal from ministry

367
00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:12,540
as well as being unable
to work with individuals

368
00:18:12,540 --> 00:18:14,580
under 21 years of age.

369
00:18:14,580 --> 00:18:17,490
She accepts responsibility
for her actions and the harm

370
00:18:17,490 --> 00:18:18,660
that they have caused.

371
00:18:18,660 --> 00:18:21,070
She continues to pray
daily about this.

372
00:18:21,070 --> 00:18:24,330
PATRICIA CAHILL: I
don't want her prayers.

373
00:18:24,330 --> 00:18:25,650
She took my life.

374
00:18:25,650 --> 00:18:27,220
She took my sexuality.

375
00:18:27,220 --> 00:18:29,130
She took my spirituality.

376
00:18:29,130 --> 00:18:33,370
She ruined any boundaries
that I ever had in my life.

377
00:18:33,370 --> 00:18:35,280
I lost my family over her.

378
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:37,230
I'm in recovery now.

379
00:18:37,230 --> 00:18:41,640
Since 1994, I've been
stumbling with this,

380
00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:45,570
and she's got lifetime therapy
because she's a sexual pervert?

381
00:18:45,570 --> 00:18:46,950
There's something
wrong with this.

382
00:18:46,950 --> 00:18:49,860


383
00:18:49,860 --> 00:18:52,610
I've spent so much of
my life trying to heal.

384
00:18:52,610 --> 00:18:55,320
You know, whether
it's in art or music,

385
00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:57,300
or, you know, thinking
oh, I can't draw.

386
00:18:57,300 --> 00:18:58,240
I can't draw.

387
00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:01,350
It's just anything
to get out of myself.

388
00:19:01,350 --> 00:19:02,410
I feel like I'm in a hole.

389
00:19:02,410 --> 00:19:07,660
I-- I can see the friggin'
blue sky, but I can't get up.

390
00:19:07,660 --> 00:19:10,900
I feel like I'm doing that
right now with my life.

391
00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:13,230
Why'd she get to
live on the blue sky,

392
00:19:13,230 --> 00:19:17,130
the pink cloud, and
I'm in the dungeon?

393
00:19:17,130 --> 00:19:19,700
I never hurt anybody.

394
00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:27,915